I listen to Bob Mould a lot. Everything written and/or performed by him or the bands he fronted (Hüsker Dü and Sugar) was on my iPod. Now it’s in a Spotify playlist named “All Bob“. I met Bob in New York. He’ll tell you no if you’d ask him. He’ll tell you he has never heard of me. So what? If it is true we never met, you bet he wished that we had. Anyway, this is my conversation with Bob, to whom I had introduced myself as Dingenom, which he forthwith pared back to Ding (only intimate friends use that!).
– Bob, do you believe me when I tell you that I have been playing Again and Again again and again and again, and yet again? That I’ve had it on repeat for an entire day once?
– You like the song.
– I do, Bob. I like it tremendously. This may be the best song ever written in pop music.
– Ding, do you know that I’m gay?
– I do, Bob. Why mention it? Because I look at you so longingly? It’s true, I’m a little disappointed. I read about your sexual orientation right after I had blogged that I liked you so much with the beard and the spectacles. You look so on top, so good-natured and so wise on the cover of District Line. That photo made me fall right in love with you. I mean you, Bob. Your music I had fallen in love with the first time I heard it on the radio, a long time ago, a Hüsker Dü song. I think I recall it was a track from Warehouse: Songs and Stories. So many times I have imagined myself in your arms, Bob…
– I once woke up from a dream where we had wonderful sex. I mean safe, Bob. I mean where I felt warm and safe and protected. It’s only feeling safe and protected that I get off on. I woke up on the verge of an orgasm. The longing to be back with you, in the dream, was liable to keep me awake through what remained of the night, a considerable part of the night still, Bob. That could only be resolved by finishing the job. If you get me. (Bob nodded understandingly). Are you quite positive that you’re gay? Are you sure you want to be gay?
– It’s a thing, Ding. Don’t you like gay people?
– Or course not! Straight people either. One cannot go about just liking ‘people’! Don’t you like me? I have been listening to everything you did since I was 18. The Girl on Heaven Hill is a Hüsker Dü favorite of mine.
– Ah, yes, The Girl on Heaven Hill.
– And Hoover Dam.
– That was Sugar.
– Did I say it wasn’t? Of course it was Sugar. I know my classics. Life and Times; there goes another one. A classic I mean.
– I can make it with a girl though.
– Gosh, Bob, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but this interview is about your music, not sex. Why did you flaunt your one time association with Nirvana? They may have become more famous than you, but artistically they cannot stand in your shadow, or Hüsker Dü’s for that matter, or Sugar’s. In fact, they were rather middle of the road. Can you imagine them doing a song like Egøverride?
– You mean the references to Nirvana in the booklet that came with Silver Age? Oh, I think it was an idea of the commercial people.
– You ought not to have had let them do it to you, Bob. You are very much your own man. That is one of the things I like about you.
– What other things do you like about me?
– You caught me out, Bob! I don’t know anything about you. Everything I feel or think about you is the fruit of my imagination. Some will say this very conversation is!
– Well, how long have you got, Ding?
– How long do you want me to have, Bob?
– As long as I want you deep.
– Is that an innuendo?
– No, it’s the title of a song.
– I don’t know that song.
– It just came to my mind.
– You mean the song, or just the title?
He played the outline of the song on one of the acoustic guitars in the room, humming along with it. That song will be on Bob’s next album. I’m not sure about the title though, which sounded like bad English to me. I mean, it’s all true of course, but you might just not recognize that song.